Step Back, just once.

The 12 year old girl in me loves to look at quotes.
I save them to my computer, phone or even write them down. 

Words are just that though, just words. They may not be the truth, they're probably not from someone famous, but they somehow help..

I'm in a transition period... 
Lets call it that :)

We're moving in with my in-laws, and I'm switching jobs right before finishing my degree. Sometimes you look at your situation, and you're like "shit, this is not where I wanted to be."

I've felt that way for the last couple of months, and I was right, this is not where I want to be. I don't want to work a job that I don't love, I don't want my husband to work a job where he constantly has pain, and I don't want to sacrifice time from my family and my life in order to live paycheck to paycheck. So how do you change it?

Well for one, you need to put your damn ego aside. 
I have lived on my own for almost 10 years. I'm not old, and I know it's not that long, but its a sense of pride. Everyone's ego takes a hit if they find out they need to move in with family. I said no to the idea probably over a hundred times, due to the fact that I would be living with parents again.

Secondly, silence all the naysayers. People are going to talk shit, they will say rude things and make you feel like crap. Maybe not on purpose but it will happen. Be ready, and have thick skin. When we finally said okay, this is what we're doing, people were not nice. That is to be expected, they think you are broke and desperate.

Thirdly, know you are doing it for a good reason, and remember its just temporary. I'm in a place where it's smart for me to move in, because it will allow me to really excel when we move out, but I don't have to. I can make it work on our own, but we would be going in a circle, not getting anywhere, just making it work. That's not what I want.

I want to have kids, I want a house, a backyard and toys. I want all of that, I mean, who doesn't? But I know I am not there YET, and that's okay. Everyone has their own timeline, and I am only trying to be better than I was yesterday.

I've worried all my life about finances and bills, how I'm doing, what happens if this comes up, I over think everything. I know that I focus maybe a little too much on it, but that's what happens when you are raised by a single mom of three, who worked 3 jobs to barely get by. 

I want more. I want to enjoy life, enjoy my marriage, enjoy my home and so much more, but I want to have stability as well. I want to know that if something came up, I know we could handle it. 

I've tried to be more positive, thinking all good thoughts, because honestly when doesn't life throw extra shit at you? I mean, if I have made it through everything already, how am I not going to make it through anything else? 

W.T.S

So many things can be taken or interpreted two ways, it just depends on the person you're talking to.
Take my title for instance, which way did you read it?


Maybe after reading the post, it makes more sense, but honestly you can read it as

What the Shit

or you can read it as

What to Say

Either way is correct because I am not sure what to say and its annoying. I want to be able to blog, and have a post or two written out, but what do I say? What do I talk about? I don't want to sit here and complain or brag, but at the end of the day, is that all we do??    'cuz i'm about to.

But really, what do you talk about? Anything? Everything? Nothing at all? Do I talk about myself? My family, friends? School, work? Dreams? Plans?

How 'bout we just hit on everything?

Life is rough man, sometimes I feel that I have so much on my plate, and other times I feel like I should have more things to do! Some days I get crazy with cleaning my house, and others I feel like I live in a barn because its such a mess. It's all about balance, right? I mean you can't just do everything, no one is perfect, no matter how hard we try.

Thats something I have been learning lately, I've always strived to be perfect, and all the people in the world couldn't tell me it wasn't achievable. I worked my ass off, in school, at work, at home, etc. I didn't do much for myself. . I realized all this work was just a reflection of what I thought my life should be like, but I wasn't living it. I wasn't going out with my husband, because cleaning was more important. I wasn't enjoying the moment, because I had something more 'beneficial' to do.

So now?

I give... I don't give up, but I give. I want to enjoy my life, I want to enjoy my marriage, and school, and work, and everything that I devote my time to. If I am going to take a piece of my time and devote it to something other than my husband, school or work then it should be important and something that I enjoy.

Anyone have any tips on how to do this?
Anyone even reading?

Playing Catch Up

Everyone plays catch up.

The last draft I have was from 2013. Seriously? Three years ago.

Great blogger K.. Just great.. :)


Obviously I am not awesome at this, YET, but the fact that I'm here, means something right?

 

These last two years would have been a great time to write about everything going on, but when life hits you with everything at once...

some things are bound to fall by the wayside.

 

 

 



In the last 24 months...

 

I changed jobs,

Got married,

T got injured,

Took my nephew in fulltime,

Moved from the Midwest to California twice 

and so much more.

 

Life is funny.

I feel like right when I think things are going great, someone, somewhere, is like lets throw something else at them.. Think they can handle it?

 

 

The thing about struggles is that they feel harder when you are going through them, then they do looking back at it. I know in a couple of years I will look back and be like 'ah that wasn't that bad at all'. But right now... psssh, right now I'm like noooo please stop giving me more shit.

 

At the end of the day though, I have an amazing husband, a roof over my head, an education, and so much more. There is so much to be grateful for, that complaining just doesn't seem right. I'm working hard to focus on gratitude rather than complaining but I am human, and sometimes its nice to vent, scream, or whatever you do to de-stress for even just a minute :)

Today is a good day